Healing Images

More stream of consciousness, but bear with me. This household is exhausted from the heaviness of this struggle, as I'm sure you are, but that's what you get when you sign up to be a "blogger." No one ever accused me of being a lightweight on matters of "the meaning of life". Back in the 70's we used to have sarcastic discussions of "what is reality"; Howie's position during any of those discussions was simply stated, "Who Cares?" Well, my friend, it is obvious you care.

I was so touched by recent blog comments I began contemplating this community of support that has rallied to my aid. The thought arises from this contemplation: our bodies heal themselves when cut, we involuntarily stop bleeding and over time the cells heal the wound. This community of family and friends is a macrocosm of a single body; each of us comprising individual cells in that larger body. The image forms: my body is an individual injured cell, surrounded by healthy cells (you, my friends and family). The healthy cells rally to heal their injured cellular colleague. They press against my cell membrane, sending healing energy into my cell. My cell begins to heal, to reform into a healthy cell, just as the cells in my body are healing. The image is very strong and stays with me. I meditate last night saying a healing prayer known as the Medicine Buddha; A powerful sanskrit chant that takes me into a trance. The image of the community of healthy cells surrounding me stays with me throughout the meditation.

I awake this morning from a dream. Pope Benedict appeared to me in my dream, introduced himself, "Hello, I'm Pope Benedict", placed his hand on my forehead and blessed me. Clear as day he was standing there with his hand on my forehead. I couldn't tell you the last time I even thought about the Pope.

Just yesterday my friend Doug Kappel and I exchanged emails about whether I was a practicing Catholic. In response to his sister, Deb's, question about whether I was a practicing Catholic, I waxed on and on about my own spirituality, unbounded by Catholic dogma or practice. I am more Buddhist or Hindu than Catholic in my practices, yet there is no conflict between my spirituality and that of any other religious follower. Spirit is spirit. So what's the Pope doing appearing in my dream? PLease, do not answer that rhetorical question. I accept the ways of spiritual healing and acknowledge I know little of that world. But I understand this much: you are as important to me in this healing process as are my doctors. You are all a part of the energy of the world, whether called God, Jesus, Spirit, or Universal Consciousness, and that energy is all powerful. Thank you for sending your prayers and energy into my cells. Love, Dan

P.S. I told Doug only yesterday that I would not publicize my spiritual beliefs as I did not want the blog to become a forum for religious debate, and here I am putting it on the front burner. But what am I to do when the Pope appears to me in a dream? I truly am awed and humbled by the experience, like so many I have had in the past year.

P.S.S. I spoke with Rifkin by phone the other night about my concerns. He is such a nice doctor. He just presented a paper that demonstrates that some people don't respond to velcade until the 4th, 5th, or 6th cycle. So, even though I might not qualify for continued participation in the clinical trial, I might be able to go on the velcade for a few more cycles, if my numbers are continuing to move downward. Also, the coordinator of the clinical trial told me that insurance usually pays for the velcade. We'll have a plan on April 14th, after we meet with Rifkin (late afternoon appointment so don't expect a posting until the 15th.