You Can't Make This Stuff Up--Amended

I've been calling my health insurer trying to get some explanation regarding a claim for reimbursement for mileage and some costs for my donor. The claim office says "call the transplant center". The transplant center says, "we don't handle claims, call the claims center." Today I finally get someone who will talk to me. After much cross examination by me I learn that in fact my claim has been processed and a check has been issued. Fine, so I ask, "to whom was the check made payable and where was it sent." The answer: "the check was made payable to 'Transportation Meals and Lodging' and it was sent to [the insurer's] PO Box in California." Naturally I asked if she had a phone number for this 'Transportation Meals and Lodging' fellow as he had my check and I wanted it back. No such luck. But she has initiated an "investigation" to determine just what happened with my claim and check.

I've recontacted the insurer and told them that I'll make this easier for them. I'll just change my name to Mr. Transportation Meals Lodging and they can send the check to me and I'll cash it. Not being one to stand on formality, for all my friends out there, you can just call me Transport for short.