Friday, March 10, 2006

No One Is Alone

From Susan: In reading the blog last night I was struck by something Joe wrote. In Naples, he described the hummm before mass began and then the walk up to received communion, not in customary single file, but in pairs. He said no one is ever alone in Naples. That resonated. I thought about it all day. I have days sometimes when I don't want to exercise, tidy the house, cook a meal, or answer the phone. The most I can do is lie on the sofa, brain dead. I think that every now and then the enormity of the past year just numbs the senses and I shut down. Without being too psychological, I suppose I am protecting myself.

But here is what happened. Cousin Eileen dropped by on Wednesday evening and we made sauce until 10:30 pm. I planned to meet her on Thursday and having spent my hours on the sofa, decided to call and tell her I was unable to move. But the mailman, Dwight, rang the doorbell with a package and asked how "Faja" was doing. Julia had written her Dad a card earlier in the week and had addressed it with her pet name for her Dad--"Faja". Dwight, who picks up on everything, reconnected me with his inquiry as to "Faja's" health.

So I wrap myself in a beautiful coat my brother sent for no reason other than a need to once again express his generosity, and found myself singing as I walked down 2nd Ave. I ran into our neighbors, Ingrid and Byron, and spent 20 minutes chatting. I arrived at the Marriott and spent a satifying few hours talking to Eileen about home (New York) and rememberances of another life.

But back to Joe's comment. Walking home about 10:30pm, still singing, and thinking that although it has been a year, the circle remains, the bonds with our family and friends grow stronger, and I find myself happy. Will wonders never cease?!

P.S. Dan didn't have a terrible Friday and we just finished a wonderful plate of pasta with homemade sauce. All topped off with a bottle of Italian wine (Dan even had a glass).


Mrs. Joshwick said...

That's comforting and uplifting. I'm sure we all recall how John Donne put it..."No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main..."

Dan's Mother said...

Susan,you are an extremely wonderful mother,wife and helpmate. If your mother-in-law say this about you it speaks volumes.We all know how remarkably you have handled this dreadful year and are so thankful.Love, Dan's mother(Joan)

Brett said...

This is one of my favorite posts to date.

Sailor Hawkins said...

Dear Susan,

You make me feel like dancing! Thank you for such spirit. Love, Sailor ):):):

Ingrid said...

Dear Susan,
weekend is over and I finally got on the blog again, and saw your wonderful post.
Now, I guess you're right, no one is alone, BUT I experienced in my life also that in the toughest moments you're always alone.
Here we go with an amazing contraddiction.
So, what to say, sure you're not alone, the blog, all your phone calls, all your friends and family members coming to see you, how wonderful and great, even no words for that, but still no one of us can take the fear and threat away that you're feeling. We're trying and you know how hard I am trying especially in this matter, and helping you to get away from the threatening thoughts.
You know, that I see Dan as a cronicle sick man, NOT as being in a life threatening situation anymore, and time will show you that I am right. Unfortunately there is no way to force these thoughts, or you have them and feel them or you do not. But you can get there and I am sure you will.
And with all the people that are on your side all those positive thoughts and all the magic of love it's only a question of time. I know your man is already out of danger, the velcade seems to work, the herbs seem to help, and even two more brothers available for the worse, and therefore I see the two of you walking through Paris with Sigun and Joe and walking through Siena with me. It is all good, believe me.
Love you sooooooooo much,

Dan said...

I have found that you are alone only if you are afraid. If you can transcend the fear and open your heart, the entire world will walk into your heart, if you have the capacity to open that wide.

Jaike and Shawn said...

Wow Susan, I needed that.
I just returned from the emergency veterinarian clinic where I left our 9 week old German Shepherd puppy hooked up to an IV. She and I spent a sleepless night running outside every hour so she could evacuate from both ends. At 5:00AM my escalating fear of the parvo virus coupled with her lethargy propelled Arden, Lilly and me into the car headed toward Durham. They have ruled out the parvo virus but not the corona virus and have her on an IV antibiotic drip to relieve her dehydration and fight whatever may be going on. I was thankful that Arden was home from school and was with me. I was not alone.

I heard Joan Didion give a reading from her book The Year of Magical Thinking recently. Afterwards a woman asked her the question, "how do you view yourself now, having gone through that year, compared to how you viewed yourself prior to your husbands death?" It made me think about some of the personal insights that are revealed to us about ourselves when we go through major, life altering events. I am sure all of you have learned enormous things about yourselves and others during this past year. Maybe that is part of the grace.........
Love you all. Shawn