Thursday, April 27, 2006

A Journey of the Heart

Susan left this morning for Medjugorje. As I think we have explained previously, this is the holy site in Bosnia Herzogovina where there have been innumerable appearances by the Blessed Mother Mary. I said goodbye as she climbed into our friend, Nettie's, car this morning and headed off to the airport. I turned and drove to the clinic for my chemo. The two hour clinic visit gave me much time for reflection. This little bundle of energy we know as Susan is tromping off to Eastern Europe for reasons she can't really articulate. All she knows is she has been called. That's all she can explain. This much I know--when it comes to matters of the heart, Susan's compass has always been 100% accurate.

From my perspective her journey for me, for her, for us and for our family is but another humbling event of an incredible year. She is packing herself halfway across the world to deposit my disease at the feet of Mary and ask for my healing. She doesn't profess to know how this can occur, only that it can. The more I contemplate the journey, the more I realize it really isn't about outcomes. It's not about what she asks for or what she, or anyone receives. The fact of the journey says it all.

She has been nursemaid to me for many many months and has cared for me in ways one might only expect to occur much later in our lives. All done without complaint and with a depth of love that is palpable. This cancer has not just happened to me. It has happened to us--Susan, Cates, Julia and me. And now Susan has volunteered to carry my cancer overseas and ask that I (we) be rid of it. Symbolically she is carrying my blue wrist bracelet purchased from the Multiple Myeloma Foundation and intends to leave it there, symbolizing the depositing of my cancer for Mary to take care of. She also carries my meditation beads to absorb the energy, blessings, and spirit that pervades this holy place, so they can be returned to me fully blessed.

And yet, this is not really about any of that symbolism or what Susan might see, feel, or experience while in Medjugorje. Susan's intentions and her willingness to travel to Bosnia to ask for healing is more than enough, in itself. I am humbled that someone would venture so far to ask so much for me. I can almost feel her intentions as I sit in this quiet house. She has, of course, left me dinner in the refrigerator complete with instructions for preparation. She has filled the freezer with food for my mother's visit while she is gone. And she is no doubt thinking of me, praying for me, and asking for my healing as she flies across the Atlantic. The care I have received from this young woman I fell in love with so many years ago is beyond description. Her heart is bigger than anyone's I have known and I have often exclaimed that I am so fortunate to have fallen in love with and been able to marry the nicest person I've ever met.

My studies in meditation have taught me that spiritual growth and healing are as much about intention as they are about action. The deeper the wish to grow or heal, the greater the growth or healing will be, especially when those intentions are accompanied by action. Right now a woman full of great energy is flying through the universe heading toward Medjugorje with a deep intention to heal her husband and her family. A greater love I could not ask for or receive. Please say a prayer tonight for my Susan. Godspeed my love. Dan


Patty Nelms said...

There is so much love around and within you Dan . . . the healing has already begun. Amen!

Love, P

B.J. said...

oh Dan you have moved me to wonderful tears.. Thank you.
Your susan is on such a journey of love..I have known a family that went and saw and I carry a rosary they gave to me. I was told by my friends to say that rosary daily... Ah what joy and peace would follow->and of course now-that we are grown up and not saying the rosary with the nuns...know it is a meditation and a mantra!!
Your going to have wonderful time with those beads when they come back blessed.

Enjoy my Joan xoxo BJ

Mrs. Joshwick said...


Margot Nelson said...

Hey Dan - I have read your blog with great interest and care over the past several months - not calling, not writing, but thinking of you daily - your journey with Susan, Catherine, and Julia is difficult, and yet so special and humbling as those you love circle round and share their various energies with each of you. Although we all wish for answers and solutions, maybe the best thing we can hope for is peace in the not-knowing. Carry on, Dan, you are a magnificent person and an inspiration to us all. Thanks for letting us inside your head and your heart at such a personal time! HUGS!!
Margot Nelson

Bernadette Boulger said...


Thank you for sharing the love you have for your wife, Susan. It is so touching. You are truly blessed family. God bless you today & always.